Neil Sagebiel

Monday (September 19) was International Talk Like a Pirate Day. So if you missed it, all I can say is, “Shiver me timbers!”

It got me thinking, what if there was a Write Like a Pirate Day?

A Google search revealed that Romance Writer’s Revenge was way ahead of me. They designated Monday as–you guessed it–Write Like a Pirate Day. And they offered write-like-a-pirate advice:

1. Wear your best pirate outfit.

2. Drink your best rum (or drink of choice).

3. Open with your best pirate swagger.

The thinking behind the above tips, of course, is that you can’t write like a pirate unless you look like a pirate, drink like a pirate, and swagger (or maybe weave because of the rum?) like a pirate.

I also liked their Captain Jack Sparrow Plot Wheel, which are suggestions for when you can’t release your inner pirate. Consider the following pirate-writing prompts:

• Stage a kidnapping
• Kiss someone
• Drink some rum
• Steal some booty
• Escape from the British Navy

I realize this is unorthodox writing advice, but it might just be the spark you need.

UPDATE: I noticed that I misspelled “digital” in the post title (now corrected). It’s bound to happen in a post on spelling. Ha!

Are you a good speller?

I consider myself to be a  pretty good speller. But some words always trip me up. Like “phenomenon.”

The art of spelling isn’t what it used to be. Especially with ubiquitous spellcheck (is it spellcheck or spell check?) features built in to software and applications. And, of course, there’s Google. I Google words and phrases constantly. Sometimes I add “New York Times” to the search. If it’s in The New York Times, then I’m confident about usage.

This weekend I was sitting on the sofa watching football when my wife asked me how to spell “mosey,” as in “to walk or move in a leisurely manner.”

I had to think about it. While I was considering the possibilities, she said, “I think it’s spelled m-o-z-y.”

“No,” I said, “that’s the name of the company [that does online backup].”

I came up with the correct spelling, but I suggested that she Google it. Funny how easy it can be to spell a brand name. Those relentless marketing messages have a way of searing brands into our memories.

Maybe you’ve noticed it. On a planet of ever- increasing emails, texts and tweets, voice-to-voice communication via landline, cell and smart phones is in steep decline and perhaps on death watch.

“Nobody calls me anymore,” writes Pamela Paul in the September issue of Reader’s Digest, “and that’s just fine.”

Of course, Paul phone talks with her husband, mom, dad and the babysitter. But that’s about it. She doesn’t think she’s alone and cites Nielsen Media to make her point. People are spending considerably less on cell plans and more on texting.

Some numbers:

• 27% of adults don’t have a landline
• 23% are likely to give up their landline soon
• 40% of smart-phone users would pay to have voice mails transcribed into emails

As Paul writes, Judith Martin (Miss Manners) is now happier. “I’ve been hammering away at this for decades,” Martin said. “The telephone has a very rude propensity to interrupt people.”

Maybe a new saying is on the horizon: “Don’t call me. I won’t call you.”

One thing I’ve learned through the years is that you never know how a freelance project might come your way. I was reminded of this in the spring when author John Coyne asked me to help promote his latest golf novel, The Caddie Who Won The Masters.

John and I got acquainted through my golf blog, and in 2008 we attended a Monday practice round at The Masters. Since then we have kept in touch and occasionally see each other when I’m in the New York City area.

John is a seven-time bestselling author. Most of his 25-plus books are in the horror genre (he has called himself the poor man’s Stephen King), but in recent years he has turned to golf, a game he fell in love with as a teen caddie and caddie master at a Chicago-area country club. The Caddie Who Won The Masters is John’s third in a series of popular caddie novels.

The new book was different in at least one important way. John decided to self-publish his latest novel. (Most of his other books have been published by major publishers.) This was a bold new experiment, and one that’s becoming increasingly common due to the growing number of cost-effective publishing platforms.

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I noticed Blue Ribbon® Extra Long Grain Rice on the kitchen counter. Specifically, I saw the big blue ribbon on the packaging  with these words: “U.S. FINEST QUALITY” and “#1.”

(These are the kinds of things a copywriter notices.)

Do you suppose this long-grain rice actually won a blue ribbon? I thought I knew the answer to my question, but I decided to investigate.

At BlueRibbonRice.com I found no evidence that blue ribbons were awarded to any products. However, I did find some apparent claims in the marketing copy: “Add the Blue Ribbon quality to your meals. The best for your family.”

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Every step I take as a first-time author is new, part of an adventure, and that includes the author photo. It’s my responsibility to provide the author photo for my book to the publisher.

I decided to seek the help of my friend and colleague Walter Hearn. Walter insisted he is not a professional photographer, but that is untrue–at least in my mind.  He is a senior-level art director and designer who has been running his own design business for two decades or longer. He was being modest. Or he didn’t want to claim photography as his main specialty, especially people photography, although Walter constantly shoots pictures as part of his design work for clients.

So on the eve of the photo shoot I debated about what to wear. What color shirt would be best? Stripes or no stripes? I asked my wife and two daughters to weigh in.

I chose a light blue polo shirt with horizontal stripes. I know stripes might not be advisable, but there weren’t many solid shirts in me-flattering colors in the closet. I’m not exactly a clothes horse. The striped blue shirt would have to do. The stripes don’t make me look fat. This much I know.

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