Latest Dumb Euphemisms for Getting Canned

Beware if you hear these words around the water cooler, says Reader’s Digest in its March 2009 issue.

  • Restructuring plan
    Restructuring program
    Company-wide restructuring plan that includes staffing reductions in all divisions
    Planned reduction
    Head-count reduction
    Reduction in force
    Reducing our current employee total
    Global workforce reduction and alignment
    Repositioning
    Aligning operations and resources worldwide
    Consolidating operations
    Downsizing
    Rightsizing
    Smartsizing
    Offboarded
    Rebalancing the level of human capital

And finally, the tried and true …

We’ve decided to go in another direction.

Have a favorite?

I like “rebalancing the level of human capital.” The person who came up with that is qualified for a senior vice president slot in human resources. I also like “offboarded,” although it sounds a little bit too much like “waterboarding.”

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