A Stimulus Plan That Actually Works

Stimulus is a dirty word these days. Austerity is in. Deep budget cuts are on the horizon. But the right kind of stimulus can do wonders.

I’m talking about coffee. What Americans really need is coffee, and more of it. The tried and true daily stimulus plan.

I think an extra cup of java for every American will help get the country moving faster and for longer stretches, which will spur business activity, which will create more jobs, which will increase consumer spending, which will grow the retail sector. More coffee will lower already low interest rates and kick start the housing market. It will give an added jolt to the stock market and reduce the trade deficit. Coffee will help us win the future.

So, my fellow Americans, raise your coffee mug and take a sip of success. Our best days (and more bathroom visits) are still ahead of us.